Failing Greatly

Have you ever had a stranger ruin your peaceful time with God? Well, I was THAT stranger to about five people.

I try to find about 20 minutes to meditate daily. I often spend time in a quiet room in my home before everyone wakes up; sometimes, I go outside (to the grass) to simultaneously experience nature; and when time allows, I go to a nearby Adoration Chapel.

For those who may not know, at Adoration, the Holy Eucharist is displayed in a monstrance on the altar so we can see and pray in the presence of Christ. It’s ALWAYS so peaceful.

 Until a few days ago.

I went to the Adoration Chapel and sat before the altar. In general, I never read or close my eyes while there. I prefer to sit quietly and “adore” the Eucharistic host. About ten minutes passed without event.

Then, without warning, a drunkenly flying wasp entered the scene and began an erratic flight path around the altar! Peace immediately drained from my body as I felt my eyes narrow and my jaw clench.

I thought, “Don’t you DARE land on the Eucharistic host.” My eyes narrowed further to send a “message.” (Yes, I realize how crazy that sounds now that it’s written.)

Mr. Wasp didn’t hear my telepathic warning because he buzzed even closer to It.

“Don’t do it. Don’t do it,” I thought with fierce intensity.  

I was relieved when he flew away from the altar, and I assumed the creature felt my temporary alpha energy and moved on. (I’m still unsure what I would have done had he taken his shot and landed There!)

I took a deep breath and went back to my meditation. Sweet Peace.

Until…

I heard a thunderous BUZZZ near my left ear!

Without thought, I swatted at the beast and immediately became aware of my aggressive action in this holy place. I embarrassingly glanced back at the two people behind me; one was kneeling, and one was seated with her eyes closed. The one kneeling mouthed, “It’s gone.” I felt somewhat relieved. Somewhat.

I tried to settle down, but I heard another BUZZZ seconds later. The menacing creature had returned and touched my right ear with its little legs or creepy, fluttering wings!

Unplanned and reflexively, I jumped up and engaged in an impromptu dance performance of “There’s a killer wasp on my ear” that included flailing arms and (perhaps) fancy footwork. It couldn’t have been pretty.

I felt my face get Serengeti hot as all ten eyes fell upon me. I Was Mortified! MOR. TI. FIED!

Ohhhh, but my humiliation didn’t stop me from adding insult to injury by breaking the blaring silence of this sacred and solemn place by LOUDLY “whispering,” “There’s a wasp… There’s. A. Wasp.” I didn’t wait for a response. I quickly genuflected and left the building. I got into my vehicle and waited for my heart rate to regulate.

As the heat of embarrassment slightly cooled, a deeper, more humbling realization took center stage.

“How could I have handled this better?”

I think I'm a “Send me” kind of girl, but on this occasion, I only saved myself.

“Should I have picked up the nearby Kleenex box and smashed Mr. Wasp against the back of a chair?”

Kill in the presence of the Eucharist? I laughed at myself before becoming fully aware that God (Omniscient) had seen me spraying poison on, throwing my broom at, and smashing those savage-like creatures many times, so He wouldn’t have been shocked by THAT behavior.

“Should I have tried to usher Mr. Wasp out safely?”

I have no idea how I would have done that since I do not travel with my broom, but that option seems like it would have been the most Christian-like thing to do.

Nope. I did nothing to resolve the problem. I windmilled my way out the door and "saved" myself.

As I drove away, I reflected upon the many times I stepped up to serve or solve a problem, but in addition to this minor instance, there have also been many times when I simply saved myself and let others deal with the issue.

That was THE truly embarrassing realization. Feeling THAT was worse than the humiliating swatting, windmill action, and possible screeching in the Adoration Chapel.

Sigh…

I’m a work in progress; sometimes, that progress is ugly, and it looks a lot like failing greatly.

Another deep sigh...